Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
