Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
