Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
