Don't you send me to vm
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
