You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
