ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
