After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
