i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
