my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
