DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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