Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize