I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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