Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
