Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
