You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
