what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
