No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
