and you said cock pushups were impossible
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
