Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
