He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
