You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
