Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
