My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
