So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
