Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
