As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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