And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
