Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
