It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
