guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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