I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize