Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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