remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
smell my finger.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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