So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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