Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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