I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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