I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
