Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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