I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
