My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
