i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
