There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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