dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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