While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
