Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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