just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
