I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
