please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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