The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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