Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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