My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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