We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
