I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
NoShamevember. You game?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize