I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
