my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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