i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
