Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
