I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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