a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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