Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
