I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
