You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
