Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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