I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
