i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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