proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
