I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
