If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize