It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
