Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
